Mrs. Libby Johnson

Change

2008-02-09T08:54:00.000-06:00

I love this video. We watched it last semester in one of my education classes that was supposed to be teaching us about how diverse our future students would be. It amazes me that our world is changing so fast...my problems and my victories always seem so important to me, but when you put them up against some of the facts in this video, they aren't!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljbI-363A2Q

Greg and I are doing really well. We have been faithfully going to the gym and working out to the point where I feel like I'm going to break ;) On Thursday night we did free weights for upper body and I am so, so sore still! I love doing free weights, but I always get so intimidated going over there because my 15 pound weights look so tiny compared to the 90 pound weights some guys bench!

I told our COM group about my last post and they're all praying for me. And I can honestly say that I feel like I'm making progress. I knew this wouldn't be an overnight thing, but I feel God making changes in the way my mind works. A couple nights ago, I was running on the treadmill, and I actually thought my legs looked GOOD - muscular and strong. Which is definitely not something I've ever thought before. So change is happening in my brain :)

Surrender

2008-02-03T19:37:00.001-06:00

I never realized what a complete control-freak I am until it came time to plan my wedding. I've always known that I prefer to be in the driver's seat when it comes to doing things (I mean, who else can do something as perfectly as me?), but when it came time to plan my wedding I became a to-do list freak. I timed, down to the second, when my bridesmaids would walk down the aisle. I made an itinerary that was at least 5 pages long for all of our wedding party...and I still agonize nearly a year later that I told the ushers to be in the wrong place at the right time and they ended up missing out on our formal pictures. I was such a control-freak that when I left to get my hair done on the morning of the wedding, my loving aunts, uncles, cousins, and bridesmaids were panicking asking Jen whether I wanted pink AND green jelly beans on all tables, or just one corresponding color. And then there was a near meltdown when they ran out of jelly beans. And guess who didn't even realize there were jelly beans at the reception until she got professional pictures back? Yep, that's right, the control freak BRIDE!

I think this control issue has only gotten worse since the wedding. And now it's started to apply to my relationship with God. I'm not sure why I think it's okay to be in the driver's seat when I'm riding in the car with God, but for some reason, I've come to think this. Today, Jeff did a sermon called "Chase the Lion." It was about doing things that are destined to fail without the help of some divine intervention...and it really got me thinking. I have some serious issues in my life that need to be surrendered to God...one particular thing that will never be resolved unless God takes a hold and shows me how to let go.

Ever since 5th grade, I have had horrible self-esteem and self-image issues. Do you know how sad it is that a 10-year-old thought that she needed to lose weight? That makes 12 years of me hating myself, the way I looked on the outside, and the way I felt about myself on the inside. This issue is so big that I really don't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about my weight. I know there has to be a time when my little, carefree mind wanted nothing to do with the reflection in the mirror, but I honestly can't remember a time like that. I rate every picture I see of myself on how "skinny" I look in it. If I don't live up to my own impossibly high standards, then it's a bad picture. This "issue" has even pushed me towards anorexia and doing stupid, stupid stuff to make myself look "better." And to be honest? I'm never going to look like Heidi Klum or any of the other Victoria's Secret models. I'm athletic. And I have my dad's calves (Lord, please help my children!). And I rode horses and swam for years. I've got some muscles!

So this morning, I decided to pass this problem of mine over to God. I'm so tired of living life this way. I'm so tired of constantly thinking that I need to be better; that I need to be prettier, or skinnier, or taller, or faster, or stronger. There's never going to be a number on the scale that is "perfect" for me and I'm never going to get to a point where I'm thin enough...unless God takes control. And I can't describe the terror that runs through me at the thought of letting go. That seems so silly too...why should I be scared to let my GOD take control? One part is fear of the unknown...What happens if I stop constantly finding something to improve on; what if I spiral out of control the other way and end up incredibly overweight? The other big part of my fear is because I don't know how to let go...I don't know how to take a step forward. I have spent so long hating myself that I've forgotten what is involved in loving myself.

This morning Jeff talked about how there are two parts to learning - one is taking in new information and the other is "un-learning" all the wrong information. I've got 12 years worth of un-learning to start...I have to un-learn that every time I get in front of the mirror is a time to critique my appearance. I have to un-learn that the numbers on the scale matter. I have to un-learn that a dress size matters. I have to un-learn that a six-pack is what matters. Most importantly I have to LEARN that my husband, my family, and my GOD think that I am beautiful, inside and out.

Please, please pray for me. I've always thought that I was always going to have to deal with this problem; I never thought that it could be gone. I need God to show me how to let go, how to love, and how to accept the way he created me.

It's February?

2008-02-01T22:52:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's already February...time is really flying by so, so fast!

I started classes a few weeks ago and they're going well. I only have class on Mondays and Tuesdays, but those are LONG days! I work Mondays and Wednesdays, which means I have Thursday and Friday off completely. That has been so nice - I'll take a busy first half of the week any day if it means I get a four day weekend! I can't express in words how ready I am to be done with school though. It's gotten old and I'm bored with learning the same thing over and over again in my education classes. I'm sure if I wanted to I could get something else out of them, but I've gotten to the point where I want to take my certification tests and just be done. No more tests, no more hour long drives, no more humongous reading assignments, no more stupid projects, no more laminating! Okay...well, I guess being a teacher I'll be doing lots of laminating...but no more PAYING to laminate Dolch Word Cards that are geared towards Kinder-3rd graders (I'm certifying to teach 4th - 8th graders...makes a LOT of sense, right?) Basically, I'm just done. Thank the Lord I only have this semester left of classes and then I get to be in the classroom all the time student teaching.

My mentor teacher this year is something else...I won't go into it fully, but let's just say that this is going to be a huge lesson in what NOT to do with your kids. It's also giving me a chance to show some military kids what a teacher should act like...teachers should definitely love their kids (why else would you do it??) and that's what I'm trying so, so hard to show these poor little fourth graders in the two hours that I'm there every week. :(

On a happy note, Greg and I joined a gym last week! It's not a huge gym, which means that there isn't a huge price tag on it (yay!) and it's really helping us in our goals. We've been doing awesome on working out, not eating out, and cooking really healthy meals at home. I joined a free website to help me track what I'm eating and how much I'm exercising and that has been so motivating to see all that in black and white. I feel so much better now that I'm really only putting healthy food into my body...I'm back to running, though it's only about 2 1/2 miles four times a week...at least it's something! It's the one part of working out that I really look forward to, and I'm taking full advantage of that!

Other than that, there's not a whole lot more that's new around here. Sammy is finally starting to understand how to tell us when she needs to go outside (thank the Lord!!) and she and Riley are really starting to love each other. They were even sleeping in the same bed the other night when we were getting ready to go to bed! :) I'm so glad to have both of them, although you couldn't imagine two dogs with two different personalities than the two of them. Sammy is a lot calmer than Riley, but way more skittish. Unfortunately, as I found out last week, this really applies to new people who get in her face. We are really going to have to work on that while she's still young.

I hope 2008 is treating you all well. I miss you guys and love you :)

I miss it...

2008-01-09T21:25:00.000-06:00

...running, that is. I was reading back through old blogs tonight and I got really, really sad that I'm not training for the marathon anymore. I know I had to make a choice, and I'm 100% positive that I made the right choice by choosing photography over running. But it doesn't make me any less sad that I've essentially backed out on one of my huge goals in life. I will run a marathon someday...it just won't be this year.

I'm sad that I gave up when I'd come SO far. I went from running 3-4 miles at a time to running 11-13. 13 miles...that is SO far. And now I'd be lucky if I could run 5 miles.

I miss the feel of it...and more than all, I miss the feel after it ;) The feel during it is not reliable. Sometimes it's great and other times it's awful. But the feeling after a long run is always exhilarating. It always provides a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of pride.

I miss the unforgiving black asphalt, the cool of the morning, the sound of feet pounding on the pavement. I miss the sweat, the rush, the gatorade, the iPod. I miss the empty downtown streets. I miss the sporadic conversation with other runners. I miss watching the street lights turn from green to yellow to red (and I miss running through those red lights). I miss Will's encouraging words before a long run and I even miss getting lost in downtown Austin (kind of!) I miss the commitment that I felt to all those other people in the group. I even miss my alarm going off at 5:00 in the morning on Saturdays (kind of)...because that meant that my run would be completely finished by the time most people got out of bed.

I think what I miss most is the calming, relaxing effect that running has on me. It's cheap therapy. It's time alone with God where no one can interrupt me. It is my quiet place and my sanctuary.

I miss it. A lot.

Sick

2008-01-08T17:44:00.000-06:00

I think I've got/am getting the flu. But I hope not :( I've been trying to take things slowly and get better, but I'm really not.

My mom thought I was pregnant and it made me laugh really hard. (I'm not by the way - and I'm 100% sure about that!)

I'll put more Christmas pictures up later, but I wanted to let you guys know why I haven't been posting over the past few days! Keep me in your prayers.

My girls

2008-01-04T10:01:00.000-06:00

I couldn't resist posting these pictures of Riley and Sammy :) Enjoy!

I don't think she has enough blankets...do you?

And finally, a preview of the Christmas photos to come!

Christmas, Part One

2008-01-03T19:56:00.000-06:00

I really want to post all my Christmas photos, but there are too many to put in at once! Here are all of the decorations at our apartment (plus a few of Riley thrown in for cuteness sake). I'll post ones from Kansas sometime this weekend. I really wish I had a great photo editing software (like Lightroom), but since I don't, I'll make do with what I have :)

I made tons of sugar cookies (and gingerbread men too...but I got lazy and didn't take pictures of them, even though they were SO cute!)

I loved these little toy soldiers!

Of course you have to have snowmen!

This is Riley's "perch." She sat here for ALL the baking staring out the window at the non-winter weather.

Big yawn.

I love this silhouette...so neat! I really like how you can see her little brown eyebrows.

Probably one of my all time favorite pictures.

Our first Christmas tree! Unfortunately, I never got a picture of Greg and I in front of OUR tree...but that's another story entirely ;)

Favorite ornament.

And this one too.

Tons of pretty presents!

Grandma gave us this gorgeous Willowtree nativity scene for our wedding present. I love it SO much. This shot (though not very good artistically!) shows everything pretty well although I love...

...this one much better. Dark and moody ;)

Mary with baby Jesus...Joseph looking on in the background.

Shepherd with a lamb.

One of the three wisemen.

I think that's enough pictures for one post. Have a great evening!

This is why I love photography...

2008-01-01T19:09:00.001-06:00

...because you can capture priceless moments like this! I love my family. So. So. Much.

Happy New Years!

2008-01-01T13:32:00.000-06:00

Happy New Years, everyone! I can't believe it's 2008...so exciting :) Greg and I have almost been married a year...how insane is that?! We rang in the new year last night by watching all of the Bourne movies - Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, and Bourne Ultimatum. I hadn't seen any of them and I really enjoyed them (even though I fell asleep during the last one - 3 movies is a lot for me to watch in one night!) I usually don't do resolutions because I never actually keep them...but this year I decided to do New Years "Goals" that are much more attainable than the resolutions that I usually set.

1. Consistently work out 3 times a week.
I'm so bad about working out (lifting weights, not running) sporadically. I think it's partly because I hate it and would much rather be running...but I need to do it for my health. So my goal this year is to lift weights three times EVERY week. And then run on top of that when I can.

2. Write a letter to my grandparents every month.
I hate living far away from my family and I wish I could see them more, so I've decided to write my grandparents a letter monthly. They love getting mail (and so do I!) and I think getting letters from me every month would make them feel special. I really don't know how much longer my dad's mom is going to be around...and I'm definitely going to miss her a lot when she's gone. So I need to cherish the time I have left with her and not put my busy life above what means most in the world to me - my family.

3. Train the dogs.
Riley knows how to sit, but that's about it. I want them to sit, stay, come on command (this would be SO nice) and generally learn how to be well-behaved dogs. I think this might be the toughest goal so far...

4. Spend quality time with God.
I've gotten bad about slacking off on my quiet times...I will pray for a few minutes before I fall asleep and then call that "quality" time...and then I wonder why I'm not growing and getting closer to him. Makes a lot of sense, huh? So my goal is to spend time praying and reading and growing at least three times per week. I would love to do it every day, but I know that if that were my goal, I would probably fail within the first month. However, I will be reading my Bible every night before bed.

I'd love to hear all of y'alls resolutions (or goals!) Hooray for 2008!

My second baby...

2007-12-30T21:13:00.000-06:00

Most of you guys know how attached I am to my dogs. They are like my children - not exaggerating at all! I spoil them rotten and treat them better than some people get treated.

Anyways...I've been wanting another dachshund for a LONG time...like since we brought Riley home ;) But I haven't quite gotten Greg to go for it until just recently. I reminded him that we're moving out of our apartment in 6ish months and if we get a puppy now, that would give us 6 months of potty training time in an apartment where the carpet is already ruined by our first baby.

We got back from Kansas on Thursday night and I started searching the internet for puppies. I found an ad in the paper for some older puppies - 3 and 4 months old and decided to go check them out. We drove all the way down to Wimberly, TX...which is really only like an hour or so away to see a puppy they were calling "U-Turn" because she had broken her tail when she was just a couple weeks old and now it curls over at the tip. Of course, I had my mind made up that we were coming home with her before we got there ;) And we did!

Her new name is Samantha, aka Sammy, and she is a 4 month old black and tan piebald miniature dachshund...she is SO different looking from Riley, but precious and adorable in her own way. She weighs about 6 pounds right now, but she'll probably only gain about 4 more pounds and be right around Riley's size. She and Riley are getting along really well. Sammy likes Riley a little more than Riley likes her, but they're playing well together. They really love tug-of-war :)

So here are pictures of my late Christmas present...MANY more to come soon, I promise!

Dear Texas,

2007-12-19T10:50:00.001-06:00

I do not live on the equator. I live north of the equator. In fact, Austin is what I would call "significantly" north of the equator. You seem to have forgotten this fact.

It is December. Let's spell that out...D-E-C-E-M-B-E-R. Good! Actually, it is MID-December...The 19th to be exact. Do you know what mid-December means? It means snow. It means Christmas. It means cold weather...or at least kind of cool. It does not mean highs in the mid-70s to low-80s. It does not mean beach weather where I could walk around in a tank top and shorts. December means sweaters and fuzzy slippers and lots of blankets at night. I should not have to use my air conditioner, for goodness sakes!

Texas, I gave you a break in November...I mean, it's not really winter yet. And even though I was kind of peeved that it was really warm on Halloween in October, I realize that we live closer to the equator than our friend, Colorado. But gosh darn it, I want it to feel like Christmas around here!

I've been trying my best. I've made hundreds of sugar cookies (okay, maybe only 72) and thousands of gingerbread men (or really only like 60) and I'm cooking chili (which smells deliciously good) and I've listened to Sleigh Ride and Silver Bells more times than I want to acknowledge. But something about all that doesn't mesh well when my weatherman tells me, "It's gonna be a warm one, today, folks!" I don't want it to be a warm one, folks. I want it to be a cold one.

So get your act together. Get all buddy buddy with Wisconsin or Michigan or Colorado. Learn what COLD means. And do it.

Sincerely,

Be Still and Know He is God

2007-12-08T19:46:00.000-06:00

God knows you. He knows the patterns in your eyes, the lines in your thumb print. He knows the way your spirit feels when you see a sunset. He knows the variations of your laughs when things are hilarious, mildly funny, or you’re just being polite. He knows which foods disgust you and which makes you close your eyes and say “yum." He knows your wildest dreams and your darkest fears. He knows what makes your heart leap. He knows how you feel when you’ve been rejected and forgotten. He knows how many tears you’ve cried. He knows you and loves you.

Know that He is the God that has command over the wind. He is the one that tells the sun to rise and set each day. He is the one that breathes life into everything. He is the one that shaped the mountains, smoothed the hills, and molded the bottom of the ocean. Demons fear Him. Angels worship Him. Animals obey Him. Everything with life answers to Him. And He sent His Son to die for us.

Be still and know that He is God. Let the fear fade away and your heart fill with peace as you remember that He is for you. He would slow down the sun for you or split open the sea for you. He will make a way. Rest and know that He will make a way.

***

A friend from my classes this year wrote this and I thought it was amazing...Thank you Lauren for blessing me with this new perspective.

It's that time again...finals!

2007-12-07T22:59:00.000-06:00

Oh, thank heavens...I only have to take finals ONE MORE SEMESTER...ever! I am so thankful for that. I have been so incredibly busy lately - I had a final on Monday night, a final today, and two this coming Monday. I will be glad when they are finished. My 50 book evaluations, original book, and thematic unit were also all due in the past two weeks, so I've been crazy trying to get all that stuff finished...thank God I didn't procrastinate and put those things off to the last minute...I don't think I ever could've finished them all on time! In other school related news...I made a 100 on my Unit!! This is fantastic news because making a 100 on the Unit for Curriculum is pretty unheard of. I worked my tail off getting that thing perfect and I'm so glad I did. Now if I just was able to do well on the final today, I could scrape by with an A! But I'll settle for a B if the final didn't go too well (which I'm not thinking it did...which is okay with me).

God has been stretching me to trust Him so much lately. I think I have trust issues and I'm not really sure where those came from. I really don't think I have a reason to be leery of trusting people and God, but for some reason I really am...He keeps showing me that the only way to do things is with Him in the lead and SO many times I try to rush in front of him and do things myself...and then I end up in tears crying out to Him to get me out of the mess I've made, and he always does. So why do I find it so hard to trust Him? Money is tight right now, which is difficult no matter what time of the year it is, but especially when it's Christmas time. God and I had a little heart-to-heart the other night and even though I know logically that I shouldn't, my heart won't stop feeling failure for continually running to Him about the same things. I feel like He must be tired of me not learning from mistakes and repeating them...gosh, I know I'm tired of it!

Our COM group went down to feed the homeless again on Tuesday night and I kept thinking that I feel like Greg and I don't have money, but in the grand scheme of things we are kings compared to them. We are so lucky...we have a home (even if it isn't where I want to be, it sure is better than the shelter on Trinity), we have enough money to buy groceries, we have money for electricity, running water, we have two awesome cars, and we even some left over every month to do some fun stuff like rent movies or go out to eat. I just need to keep some perspective the next time I'm feeling crummy because I haven't been able to go shopping for myself in awhile.

Photography is going so well! I had my last wedding last Saturday and it was really fun. I feel like I'm understanding things a little bit better and am starting to get a little more creative with my shots. Allen even posted one of my pictures on his blog - http://doberenz.blogspot.com - it's like the second post down. It made me smile! Working in his office is going really well too, although I miss my kids like crazy! I never thought I would feel that way because I hated my managers at the daycare so much...but I really do miss seeing babies every day. I think that's how I know that I'm meant to teach. Yes, photography is fun and I really love it and would love to pursue it as a hobby in the future that I could even make some money on the side with...but my heart is really into teaching. I love being in the classroom and I love seeing kids learn and discover new things. That is what God created me to do and I know I could never be happy not spending my weekdays teaching children in some form or fashion.

I hope your holiday season is so blessed...I miss you guys so much. Dustin, I hope you are feeling loved and prayed for wherever you are because you are! We really miss seeing you and hearing your hilarious stories all the time - I think Greg misses you a ton! It will be so nice to have you back in Austin to hang out with from time to time. And Hannah, I miss you like crazy, beautiful cousin! Gosh, holidays just aren't ever the same without all you Brown girls running around Grandma's house. I'm so glad you're finished with everything though - what a blessing! We will have a phone date soon :) I love you so much!

I'll post pictures of all our Christmas decorations soon. It's really neat having a real tree for once...it smells so good! And our Willowtree Nativity Scene (a wedding present from grandma and grandad) is AWESOME...so gorgeous :) I'll try to take pictures to put up next time I'm on here.

I love you guys and I miss you more than words can say!

Wow

2007-11-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

That's all the words I have for this...watch it and be amazed by God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUiEeM5TAUY&feature=related

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble

2007-11-18T22:25:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving! I'm excited for it, although it's a really weird feeling knowing I'm not going to be spending Thanksgiving with my family. I know Greg's family is technically my family now too, but they're not my parents, my brother, or my grandparents. But I'm excited for yummy food. My mouth is watering just thinking of it all! My favorite traditional food at Thanksgiving dinner is green bean casserole. It's so simple (and probably so unhealthy too) but I love it!

Sorry I've been missing lately. I've been missing blogging too. But other things have been demanding my attention...like ten lesson plans (hooray, I finished #8 tonight!), and 50 book reviews (only 25 more to go!), and weddings (just did one at TBCH last night...it was weird/surreal/nostalgic to be back in "our" chapel. and just plain weird to think that someone else was getting married there), and quitting my job (oh...what? I never mentioned that?), and...hmm. I think it would be wrong to say that Greg and Riley have been demanding my attention. But they have. They have been demanding that I remove myself from my little cave in the back of our apartment where I work on lesson plans and book reviews and all those fun things. And then they demand that I watch t.v. with them or play ball with them or take them for walks.

By the way, I quit my job. My last day was Thursday...and where am I going to be working, you ask? I'm going to be assisting Allen in his 'office' now, in addition to weddings! I'll get to edit the 3000+ images we take at each wedding, and wear jeans and flip flops and t-shirts to work. I won't get to play with my kids (which I'm really, really going to miss...seriously!), but I will get to learn massive amounts of things from him about Photoshop and photography in general, which is a really good thing for someone who would eventually like to turn this expensive hobby into a business.

I'm being summoned out of my cave by Riley, who is demanding that I play ball with her right now. How does a 10 pound dog demand that you do something? By trying to jump into your chair, plopping her ball in your lap, and growling at you...that's how. So I'm off to go play with my dog (who by the way, is the cutest thing ever!) I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, if I don't get to post before then.

I am thankful for you all!

Just One

2007-11-11T17:28:00.000-06:00

She's too cute for words, isn't she?

Sick

2007-11-10T22:24:00.001-06:00

I had to miss the wedding today with Allen because I'm sick (with strep, of course!) :( I'm really upset that I missed it, but I know I need to get well...I can't miss any more classes and I definitely don't want to pass my sickness on to Allen (or the bride and groom!)

My mom's birthday was on Thursday and we went out to celebrate. We had so much fun! We went to this little, Italian restaurant called Mandola's. It had really yummy pizza. It was really nice to hang out with my parents and laugh with them :) We also went to Amy's Ice Cream afterwards (my parents had never been before...and we've lived in Austin for like 11 years!). I got Sweet Cream ice cream with junior mints mixed in and it was soo good. I had a ton of fun with my-I mean my dad's-camera! ;) Although someone (ahem, me!) forgot to check her ISO before she started taking pictures, so many of them are pretty grainy.

She's 47!

Hope everyone had a good week!

Marine, Aggie, and Secret Service...

2007-11-04T19:01:00.001-06:00

The groom of the wedding I did yesterday was in the Marines, an Aggie, and training for the secret service...what more could you ask for? I had a really fun time at the wedding - the weather was gorgeous and it started early enough that the lighting was great all throughout the ceremony. The reception was pretty fun too - all of the groomsmen (and at least half of the wedding guests) were Marines (plus one Air Force guy that looked totally out of place!). So after the cake cutting, they sang the Marines' Hymn and then went straight into the Aggie War Hymn...I think I'm becoming more and more of an Aggie - blame it on Matt! I can't believe I've already finished my third wedding and I've only got three more for this year. Sometimes it's hard to make myself want to leave Greg and Riley at home on a Saturday afternoon, but I always end up having a great time once I get there.

School is going okay...I feel so busy that I'm starting to have to pick and choose what I do well, what I do, and what I don't do as far as assignments go. Basically all reading assignments have fallen into that "what I don't do" category. There are a few things still in the "What I do well" category, but for the most part, I'm doing well if I can just get them done! I am so ready for this semester to be over. 5 more weeks - I think I can make it!

Now for a trip down memory lane because I feel like reminiscing :)

First date with Greg...I had absolutely NO voice...that made for interesting conversation! ;)

White-water rafting with the cousins in Durango in 2005

Dustin and Queen...I just found this picture looking through real old ones and it made me laugh!

Marriage license!!

I hope your week is starting off well. I'm looking forward to Friday...again ;)

Poor Riley!

2007-10-29T22:03:00.000-05:00

So Riley is healing nicely from her surgery and acting like nothing at all happened to her...and then she decides to go and scare me to death. So...I took her out to potty after she ate dinner around 5:00. About 30 minutes later she was throwing up everywhere. Greg was sweet and cleaned up the mess while I tried to get Riley to come out from underneath the bed. She hid for a good 10 minutes and finally came out as we were starting dinner. She was very, very restless though and we chalked it up to her tummy hurting her. She kept flopping down by me and scratching her eyes/ears/nose with her paws, going in and out of her blankie and just acting really uncomfortable. I got up to get more water and noticed that her eyes looked really puffy. Upon further inspection, we saw that Riley had hives ALL over her face/neck/back.

We immediately got in the car and rushed to the emergency vet (okay, well, I freaked out some and demanded that Greg go look up the nearest emergency vet while I screamed at him to tell me the number to information...I don't deal with panicky situations too well!) I called the vet on the way. Her breathing was fine when we left and she seemed fine when we got there too, but her eyes were almost swollen shut and I was so scared it was going to cause her airway to swell. They gave her Benadryl and got her hooked up to an IV. They brought her out about 30-45 minutes later looking much better, but still puffy.

Poor thing :( She's feeling a little bit better now, but she's still puffy and swollen. She's still really restless, but I think that's because of the Benadryl. Unfortunately, we also don't know what caused the reaction. She was outside, so it's entirely possible that she got stung (the vet said the time frame and the throwing up all fit that hypothesis too)...a bee also got in our apartment earlier today, so that seems the most likely thing. She also could have gotten bit by a spider while hiding under the bed (but then there is no explanation for the throwing up beforehand). We've also been switching her from puppy food to adult food, so she could be having an allergic reaction to that. I'm so frustrated that we don't know what caused the reaction and I'm so scared that this will happen again tomorrow while we're at work.

If a puppy causes me to freak out and have my hair prematurely turn gray, what the heck is a baby going to do to me?!

Three days!

2007-10-28T21:07:00.001-05:00

Why do the weekends always have to go by so fast? I feel like it was just Monday...and now it's Monday all over again. Such is life, I suppose.

Riley made it through her surgery without too much trauma. She was not happy with me at all when the vet tech came to take her from me. She struggled and whined and then looked at me like I was a traitor. Gracie actually got spayed on the same day and the vets were very nice and let the girls stay together before their surgeries. They all kept telling my dad and me how cute they were together snuggling in their blankies. And they all wanted to know if they were related somehow! :) I'm glad that everything went well, but goodness gracious is it hard to keep a rambunctious 7 month old from jumping and running for 10 days. She acts like she didn't just have major surgery (I blame that partly on the pain medicine) and all she wants to do is play. She's gotten pretty good at listening to all the "No!" and "Down!" commands that are coming at her every two seconds ;) I have pictures of her all groggy and cute after the surgery but they're on my camera that is dead right now...so those will have to wait until later!

I had SO much fun at the wedding yesterday. You have no idea how happy I get when you put a camera in my hands and give me permission to stick my lens in peoples faces and flash away. I felt a little more at ease yesterday and not so nervous that I was going to have horrible pictures (even though that was still in the back of my mind). I think I'm even starting to understand how my speed light works (the external flash that you attach to the camera...the one that stands up real high). There is something strange that happens to me during weddings...I feel like I really get to know the wedding party (even though I'm not actually talking with them, just observing them)...and I almost always get near tears when they're leaving...except no where near as bad as I did at my own wedding!! The bride yesterday actually had a similar reaction as I did when Greg and I were leaving - you know, the whole bawling and hugging everyone reaction that is pretty funny to look back at in pictures. It made me feel better to know that I'm not the only girl who was sad to leave her family and her party. I think it's a mix of things...the fact that you're going on little to no sleep, the whole symbolism of leaving your mother and father, and knowing that one of the best days of your life is actually over. That will certainly push you over the edge ;)

Halloween is on Wednesday!! I am so excited! Greg, Riley, and I are going over to my parent's house to have dinner and hang out. My dad has to go to California because of all the fires (he's in insurance...definitely not fun to deal with all that!) so we're gonna have a nice dinner and I get to pass out candy to all the cute trick-or-treaters. Greg and I never actually carved pumpkins this year and I'm kind of sad about that. I had a lot of fun doing it last year (my first time to actually carve the pumpkin by myself!)...maybe next year we'll be less busy, but for some reason, I highly doubt that! To get in the Halloween mood we rented Vacancy on Friday night. I was so scared I almost peed my pants. We had to stop it on Friday (because it was dark and I was scared) and we finished it this morning...I definitely didn't like it. Apparently I was squeezing Greg's hand so hard that I made it numb...so there is my warning - don't watch Vacancy if you get scared easily!

I hope you guys have a safe week! I am praying for you!

Nervous mommy :(

2007-10-25T16:23:00.000-05:00

We all know that my dog is my baby. And she always will be, even when I have kids. Tomorrow she is going under the knife...she's going to get spayed :( Poor baby. So keep her in your prayers! I'm a very nervous mommy, so I guess it's good that I only get like 12 hours to freak out about it (we scheduled it at 3:00 this afternoon)...plus, she's going in with Gracie (my parents dog), so hopefully the two of them will be able to be together before the surgery. And thank the Lord, we get to take her home afterwards.

Poor Riley :(

Tired

2007-10-24T21:17:00.001-05:00

I'm tired. And I got a lot of sleep yesterday/last night...I'm just tired. I feel like there is always something that needs to be done...so whenever I'm relaxing, that something is in the back of my mind nagging me and not letting me relax at all. I can't watch a movie or tv or have a "lazy day" anymore because I have to read 50 books for children's literature and write a unit for curriculum and write a book for children's lit and do a book/movie comparison for children's lit and write a unit test for curriculum and do a teaching activity for content area...I just freakin' want to be DONE. I don't care what I'm learning anymore because I know none of it is actually going to be applied to a teaching job realistically. Real teachers don't have TIME to spend 2-3 hours on ONE lesson plan, especially when they would be having to teach at least 2 lessons per day, more if they're in lower levels. I know I'm not a "real" teacher yet. I'm 9 hours and a semester of student teaching short of that. But if "real" teachers don't do it, then why the heck do I have to do it? I'm really not getting that.

I think I care too much. That makes me stress and worry. Caring too much is a bad thing. Caring enough to keep up my GPA is stressful. Caring enough to try to write meaningful lessons when I have no students to actually teach them to is tiring. Caring enough to drive an hour to class with awful Texas drivers is aggravating. And caring enough to jump through impossibly high hoops that the department of education has thrown just might kill me.

And don't give me any of that, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" crap. I only believe that when I'm running. Speaking of running, all these things that I "care" about have made it pretty impossible to even dream of running. Because all I seem to be dreaming about lately is if my imaginary students have the schema to understand the fake unit I planned all out. I also have been dreaming a lot about showing up places having forgot something (usually an article of clothing - shoes, etc). I think this comes from the fact that I have 50 book reports due in a little over a month and I've only written 16 of them.

I'm sorry I'm being negative. But if I can't be negative and all "glass half-empty" on my blog, then where can I be? I'm sure it's because I'm tired. I tend to get cranky when I'm tired. And I don't think this 'tiredness' is going to go away until December.

Can I please just take a personal day from life?

Baby It's Cold Outside

2007-10-22T12:09:00.000-05:00

So, I'm back with more details about my weekend! Friday night was fun. Uneventful, but fun. Greg and I watched Friday Night Lights (yet another t.v. show that I'm obsessed with. Although it's nowhere near as exciting as Lost or as drama-filled as Grey's Anatomy, it's still so good). And then we talked. And then we went to bed...How exciting, right?

Saturday Riley decided she needed to wake me up nice and early. Like 7:30am. Which is crappy no matter which way you look at it. I skipped running (more on that later...it's a long, long story that I don't even know how it will end), so I attempted to sleep in 'til 8. Then I got up and planned out a long grocery list and meals for our week. I'm so, so excited about yummy, warm dinners in this COLD fall weather! (Seriously...it's cold here! It's overcast, rainy, windy, and 52° outside!) Anyways...Greg and I went to the grocery store and hurried back home so I could speed to downtown Austin and end up at the wedding site 20 minutes early...(this is the point where Greg would make fun of me for hating to be late, but we'll skip that part).

I was nervous for the wedding but strangely excited too! Allen got there at 4 (the time I was supposed to be there) and then set to work familiarizing me with the new camera and then we started shooting. I've never had 8 hours of "work" pass so quickly - I really, really enjoyed the wedding. At first, it was hard for me to be super creative because I was kind of nervous...but I think I started to get better towards the end of the night. Or at least I hope I did ;) Allen gave me a new lens to practice with and hopefully I'll really start improving. I'm very excited.

Now...about that running stuff. I'm pretty sure it's going to be impossible for me to do everything I want to do right now. Or actually, not just what I want, but also what I need to do. See, I have classes, work, a husband, a dog, a house (that really needs to be cleaned), dinners to be made, homework to be done, weddings on Saturdays, church on Sundays, and running 25+ miles a week...and hopefully some relaxation time in there too. So as of right now, marathon training is on hold. It's not physically possible for me to get up at 5 am, run 10-15 miles, and then work a wedding for 8-10 hours. I was exhausted, worn-out, and sore on Saturday - I can't imagine what that would've been like if I'd run 12 miles that morning too. I still want to run a marathon (I think)...but it may not happen this year. It may not happen ever...I'm still trying to figure all that out. I'm NOT giving up running though - you should still expect to hear more stores like "Dear Car-Honker" and lots more complaining...I'm just not going to be marathon-training anymore...or at least not for the next 5 weeks. I'll re-evaluate at that point in time.

I hope you're all having a great FALL day! It's freezing outside, but it feels so good. It makes me want to go get hot chocolate with marshmallows and sit in front of a warm fire. Or get cozy under lots of blankets with some good movies and then sip apple cider and eat soup. Did I mention how much I like fall yet?

P.S: Dustin, I promise I'm reading your blog. I just have been a bad commenter lately. So write on. :)

Real quick

2007-10-21T00:55:00.000-05:00

It's late, but I just wanted to post real quick and say that tonight was awesome! My feet are killing me and my back is achy, but I had so, so much fun! I don't even have a clue how my pictures turned out (hopefully well, but I probably won't know for awhile!)...Thanks for all your prayers :) I'll update more tomorrow.

What's wrong with me?

2007-10-15T21:37:00.000-05:00

I can't really figure out what's wrong with me. I've been in such a funk lately about running. I haven't run for over a week (which is going to KILL me when it comes time to run 12 miles on Saturday...I can feel it). I just can't seem to get myself motivated to actually go out there and run. It's always been something I've enjoyed doing, and I'm sure once I got out there running I'd be fine. But it's the actually getting my butt out the door part that I've been having trouble with lately.

I really want to get in 3 runs this week so that I'm not absolutely dying on Saturday. I can't tomorrow because I work all day and then we have COM group. Wednesday I WILL run in the morning, Thursday I WILL run after work, and Friday I WILL run after class.

Please hold me accountable.

On another note...please say a prayer for this family tonight. I've been following their saga (it starts about three pages back) for a few weeks and I just feel awful for them. I know that since I don't know them personally, I can't say that they're definitely innocent, but I feel in my heart that they are (and I can't imagine anyone taking the time out to write about such a hard topic if they were guilty). So just keep them in your prayers tonight.

I will run. I will run. I will run. I will run.