Manual is a scary world!

I feel bad not blogging since Sunday...not for all you faithful readers (and friends/family!) but because I miss it! To catch you up since Sunday...

Monday: I took two hard tests and I'm pleased to announce that I think I did wonderfully on both of them! I also worked the book fair at UMHB and got two free books out of (and somehow came home with 7 books and 1 awesome cookbook)...That definitely fulfilled my "kid" side. I justified the picture books I bought by saying that I'd use them whenever we have kids. Which is like 5 years from now...but I will!!
Tuesday: Wonderful, wonderful COM group. I love my group. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. We talked about how we can be praying that God will be BIG in our lives and the lives of those around us...Be BIG God!
Wednesday: -drumroll please- I met with Allen and I'm going to start practicing to be a second shooter at his weddings! I'm so incredibly excited. So I rushed over to Barnes and Noble and bought a really neat book - Understanding Exposure. It's definitely made me understand manual on my camera...although it's still scary, it's less "What did I get myself into?" scary and more like, "Wow, this is a lot to learn but it's really cool" scary. I took a few pictures before reading where my exposure was pretty off.

This one is pretty good focus...a little dark though.

A little soft on Riley (she wiggles too much!) and it seems a tad overexposed to me.

VERY underexposed.

Thursday: Grey's came back on! I was very excited about that. And even more exciting - Greg came back home!! YAY!
Today: I sat down for about 4 hours this afternoon and really started to understand my [dad's] camera. I took lots of pictures (most of them are pretty boring because they're exercises in my book), but I got some really cute (and technically pretty good) pictures. Understanding manual is more of a "Hey, I think I can actually do this," thing for me now...and I'm really excited that my pictures look SO much better technically than they did in Auto.

Riley is one of my favorite subjects...I figure that if I can get her in focus, then I can get anything in focus because she's so wiggly!

And one more cute one of Riley.

Tomorrow is running. And my alarm is going off this time, gosh darn it! (I should be asleep right now though).

One last thing before I go. Dustin proposed a question - what do I think will abide in my pursuit for contentment. I thought about that for a long time tonight...and I still haven't really come up with a concrete answer. I think that taking my thoughts captive, like he mentioned, is a good idea, but in actuality it's so much easier said than done. I've been struggling for a long, long time with body image and I try so hard to take my thoughts captive. But sometimes I get discouraged and I forget about taking my thoughts captive and it spirals downward to me feeling absolutely awful about myself for a few days. Greg encourages me so much to be aware of what I'm thinking and I really, really fight and struggle with that.

I think one thing that might help me is listing (either mentally, on here, or in my actual journal) all the things that I'm thankful for or that happened in the previous 24 hours that were exciting and fun. Sometimes I get so caught up in the future that I forget how much fun I'm having in the present! What am I thankful for today?

- Health insurance.
- A wedding gift card to Target that we forgot about (and the hand-mixer, food processor, and board game that we got with it!)
- A wonderful dad who lets me borrow his camera whenever I want.
- Friday's off from work.
- A husband who lets me pick where we eat (Chick-fil-A!)
- A clean apartment.
- A king-size bed.
- My new non-gas guzzling car that is very pretty.
- Blessings from God.

I think that really will help me live in the present more :)

I need to go get in bed now so I can be bright-eyed (sort-of) and bushy-tailed in the morning...whoever thought up that saying? It's kind of silly and it makes me laugh.

I pray that God blesses you abundantly today!

All By Myself

This morning just started off bad. I was tired from last night and my alarm never went off to wake me up for my running group. I woke up around 7:15 and was so upset because I knew they'd already be on the road (we leave at 7am sharp!) and there was no hope of me getting to the Runtex off Lake Austin Blvd. in time to catch up with them.

So I drug out my Nike + iPod system, filled up my water bottles, got my workout playlist all ready to go and proceeded to run the 9 miles my group was running together all by myself. I wasn't too optimistic about this run...I've never done 9 miles before...and I really haven't done anything over 7 all by myself. But I hit the road, ran three minutes, walked one minute, all the way up Wells Branch to 35, then back down Wells Branch to MoPac, and then home. It ended up being about 8.79 miles and I did have to stop and walk the last quarter mile or so home...but I did it! I was shocked, honestly, that my body can run 9 miles in about an hour and a half (And that I can burn 989 calories...thats almost a days worth!!)

I admit, I did get a bit pessimistic on the way home when I was hurting. 26 miles is SO much longer than 9. And I started thinking If I'm hurting this much now, how on EARTH will I ever be able to do 26 miles? But I think that's just it...EARTH has nothing to do with it. Heaven and grace and GOD have everything to do with it. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That says all things. Not just some things. That means I can run 26 miles through Christ. And I can witness to people through Christ (even when I'm scared). And I can make it through the rest of college through Christ. That gives me such great hope and such great joy!

I've been struggling so much with contentment lately. Not that my life isn't wonderful...I have an amazing husband, family, puppy, church, and God. But my mind is having trouble living in the moment. I catch myself thinking all the time, Oh, I can't wait until we can move out of this tiny apartment! or I really wish I was done with school and could start my REAL job now...then my life would really begin. or I can't wait until Greg and I are financially able to have kids...and I remember that before we were married I couldn't wait for the wedding, and before we were engaged I was dying to be his "fiancee." I just want to be content with the now...and I'm struggling and battling with myself to be here. To be in this moment and no where else. And that is much easier said than done!

I am all over the place tonight. I blame it on memorizing 5 pages front and back (literally, no exaggerating here!) for my Children's Lit test on Monday. I'm only on page 3. But I think I'm done for the night...when your head starts spinning and the definition that you've just written down five times in order to make yourself memorize it really isn't making sense anymore, it's time to quit.

Greg is going out of town tomorrow and I'm really going to miss him. At least he is only gone until Thursday (Grey's Anatomy season premier night!) and then I get to have him back at home ;) Since I'm such a chicken, I'm staying with my mom for the week. Didn't you know? Whenever I'm home alone by myself I hear things. Creepy things. Like people walking up the stairs (that we don't have) or people trying to get into my apartment to kidnap me. And of course the double locks we have on our door just won't do. So off to mommy and daddy's house it is ;)

Before I leave, I have a video to share of the cutest puppy in the entire world. It makes me smile :)

I hope that made you smile!

Don't let the bed bugs bite!

In Awe :)

I'm so sorry I've been slacking lately on posting. There has been SO much going on and God is simply amazing :)

And of course, I really don't have time to write tonight either because Greg is going out of town on Sunday for four whole nights, so once I get my homework done we're going to actually sit down and talk without the TV on...what a novel concept!

I would appreciate prayer...lots of it! I have a possible opportunity to work with/for the guy who photographed our wedding. I really, really need direction because I know that this is what I want...but I don't know for sure that this is what God wants yet. It would be so great to learn photography from him...and it would mean I could possibly do photography as a business/job later in life (meaning I wouldn't have to be a complete stay at home mom...I could have some form of income coming in!)...but it also means Saturday's away from home. And we're newlyweds. And well...those our our days together. They are our days to be lazy, to sleep in, to clean, to watch movies, and of course to watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD (because I force my poor husband to do this with me ;)) But at the same time it is something that I wasn't looking for in the least, and Allen is like this amazing photographer. He could teach me so much. So yes...please, please pray for me :)

And just a humongous praise to God. We have found a church, and in the two and a half weeks that we have been going there I feel more connected than I did in eleven years at The Fellowship. That is huge for me...I feel like I'm finally on my way to having a community of believers surround me in friendship and love. We went to a COM group on Tuesday night and we just fit so well. God is good.

That's all for tonight.

In Christ,

'Til Kingdom Come

I found a really neat Coldplay song tonight while I was taking a break from writing copious amounts of lesson plans. I really don't have much to say tonight (probably because lesson planning is sucking the life out of me), so I'm just going to post the lyrics to the song and a few pictures that make me happy. You should download it - it makes me smile.

Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come
Let me in, unlock the door
I've never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you, I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know what I'll become

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

- 'Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay

Just smile,

Things I've Learned in Six Months

I was going to post this yesterday, since yesterday was our six month anniversary (insert "awwww" here)...but I got so darn busy with school and quizzes, and more school that I didn't even get on the computer until I got home at 10:00...and then I was just too tired and lazy. But I'm not now!! So here is a list of things I've learned in the last six amazingly wonderful months.

1. Stealing covers and being a bed-hog in a King size bed isn't something to brag about.

2. Husband never gets anywhere on wife's clock. His clock runs 10-15 minutes behind wife's...Wife is of the school of thought that if you're early, you're on time...if you're on time, you're late...and if you're late, you shouldn't even bother showing up. Husband is of the school of thought that 5 minutes late is "fashionably" late. And this will drive wife nuts.

3. Do not eat everything husband eats. You will get fat. And then you'll complain about getting fat, and husband doesn't particularly like complaining.

4. Hints don't work. If wife wants kitchen cleaned, wife must say, "Husband, please clean the kitchen while I'm gone." Otherwise, it is not fair for wife to get mad at husband when she specifically said before she left, "Oh, I really wish the kitchen was cleaned!"

5. Wife's need for sleep on weeknights isn't recognized, although husband's need to sleep-in late on weekends better be recognized or a fight might ensue.

6. The nights when wife is the most tired and just wants to go to sleep the most will be the nights when husband gets crabby about wife's in-bed-at-9-so-wife-can-be-up-at-5 policy and will pick a fight with her.

7. A gallon of milk for the week isn't enough. Sometimes two isn't even enough. (and wife doesn't drink milk).

8. If wife makes even a teensy-tiny mess, husband will harass her about it.

9. Husband will set alarm at 6:30 when he needs to be up at 7...and then let it go off...and off...and off...and off. This will drive wife NUTS!

10. Every once in awhile, husband will do something really sweet like bring home flowers, or write a sweet note...and this makes wife smile.

I love ya sweetie ;) Those are all in good fun...even though every single one of them is true and you know it! For all others...sorry for the sappy/sarcastic entry. Back to business tomorrow as usual.



L is for the way you look tonight,

We were called to love...right?

We went to The Vista in Round Rock this morning...it was really nice and I think it's going to be a really great fit for us. But it's weird and hard for me to even think about going to a new church.

Let's start with some background...I've always grown up in a Godly family, and for as long as I can remember, I've prayed before falling asleep at night. When I was younger, my parents and I prayed together, but as I got older I gradually started doing it on my own. When we moved to Round Rock way back in the day (like 11 years ago), my mom found this ad in the paper advertising for The Fellowship. We went to church. I was appalled at the idea of getting out of bed at 8:30am on a Sunday, but I did it anyway. I forgot my glasses, so I couldn't see the big projector screen and all the faces were real fuzzy...It was Disciple Now weekend, so Kirk Crawford spoke (he was the youth minister at the time) and two girls from the youth group sang this song called What Would Jesus Do?...crazy, but I still remember the words. It went something like:

What would Jesus do?
Where would Jesus go?
I want to go there to...

...anyways, we started going there every Sunday. We fell in love with Roddy; we fell in love with that church. There were ups and downs. We went through two different youth pastors while I was there and I even left during my Junior year of High School to go to another church because I needed a youth program at that time.

Fast forward to now...I won't go into everything that has happened at the Fellowship because it's a long story and it doesn't need to be broadcast over the internet even more than it already has with the media. But church isn't the church anymore. I know that a man doesn't make the church...I could probably still go there without him preaching and teaching, even though he was a phenomenal speaker and totally captivated me. But I can't go there when the church that I grew up in, found myself in, and was loved in kicked an entire family to the curb and refused to love them like Jesus would.

Don't get me wrong. He sinned in a BIG, BIG way. And I'm so mad that his sin has caused the church to be broadcast all over the news - what unchurched people in Austin want to go to that church now? But in my eleven years of church-going, I've learned one truth that has stuck with me like glue. We are meant to love people. That is the greatest commandment after all, isn't it? To love others and to love God...Well, I'm sorry, but I have NOT seen love in that church. I've seen anger. I've seen hurt. I've seen mistrust. I have not, even for one second seen mercy. Or love. Or forgiveness. My sin is no worse than his. I have a particularly big struggle with body image issues - he has a particularly big struggle with money. There is nothing...nothing that I have done that is worse than what he has done. They are equal in the eyes of God.

The Fellowship had two options - to love or not to love. They chose not to love, and now this is going to be played out in a different arena and come to a different outcome than it would have if they had chosen to love. How is he supposed to pay restitution if he's sitting in a jail cell for 99 years. He has daughters. He has a wife. And all of them; all FOUR of them were cast aside like worthless trash. I love them...and I will continue to love them until my GOD tells me that I am sinning by doing this.

Back to present day. I want to get connected again...but I'm so scared. Never, ever have I been scared of a church. I want to think that this church will be different...that I won't invest eleven years of my life into it only to have it ripped at the seams by a phone call from my mom on a Saturday night during my vacation. I want to be open, but I'm so scared.

I want community. I want friends that I matter to. I want to be a person who is open, who isn't scared. But right now I'm just not. I'm broken and I'm beaten and I'm tired and I feel like I'm just not winning this race. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen; I'm waiting for my life to start. I don't want to feel like that anymore...I want to be happy where I am. I want to be surrounded by people that I love and who will love me back. But where do I go from here?

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insult, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

In Christ,

iHurt

That's right, I hurt. I hurt badly. 6 miles today was not just any old six miles...It was six miles of HILLS. If you know Austin, you know these hills. Like the one down by Mozart's off of Enfield? I kicked that thing's butt! But now, many, many hours after my run, it is kicking my butt (quite literally...and my feet, and my hips, and well...my whole body.)

If you haven't figured out by now, my run was a little bit of a killer. I had everything going against me - I didn't run this week (bad mistake #1), I didn't hydrate before the run (really, really bad mistake #2), and in the 11-12 minute mile group, we started out and hit those Austin hills with a 9:30 pace WITH walk breaks...that means we were running around a 8:30 to 8:40 mile (really, really, really bad mistake #3 and stupid mistake #1). Then there was the heat and humidity factor. Remember me talking about fall a few posts back? Yeah, fall is gone. It's dead. It was replaced by 83° heat at 7:00 in the morning. Oh, and this blanket - yes you read right - blanket of humidity. I was drenched in sweat by the end of my run - soaking wet from head to toe.

Lessons learned? You betcha. First of all, I will never, ever again in the 20-something weeks left of this program and in the rest of my life leave my house to run without drinking at least a glass of water. That put me in such a bad position! I downed all the water in my hydration belt (21 oz.) in the first 3 miles. When we had a water stop, I had to refill my bottles and then I downed all that in the next 3 miles. And then after the run, I had at least 3 Ozarka bottles of water, plus some when I got home...and I'm STILL thirsty. Bad, bad bad.

Lesson number two. Never again will I be "too tired" to run during the week. Thirty minutes is all that is required of me, not a lifetime! I think I can squeeze in thirty minutes to keep my endurance up.

Lesson number three. If my pace group is being competitive and thinking that we need to keep up with the 4:1 group (four minutes running, one minute walking; I'm in the 3 :1 group), then I will fall back into the slow 3:1 group. Because there is nothing more horrible than having a quarter of a mile left to go and feeling like every muscle in your body is glued to the ground with some super sticky super-glue.

7 miles next week on the "scenic" route...which I have a sneaking suspicion means more hills ;)

Here's to Austin!

TGIF!!

Today is Friday, woohoo! That means sleeping in...'til 6:00am that is. And then I'm off to run 6 miles with the Galloway Group! I am so excited. I love that group. And I really do love running. Even though I didn't get in my 2 30-minute runs this week...shhh, don't tell Will! I know I should have gotten the runs in, but I was tired. And then on Thursday my ankle was a little bit sore and I didn't really want to push it (though I probably could have and been totally fine). So tomorrow might be really, really difficult. And if it is, I only have myself to blame. My plan for this coming week is:

Monday: workout in Mayborn from 12:30-1:30 (gives me plenty of time to shower and get ready before class at 3.
Tuesday: run from 7-8
Wednesday: Rest, maybe some abs or swimming
Thursday: run from 7-8
Friday: workout in Mayborn from 1:30-2:30

Anyways...enough about that.

I've decided that I desperately want to be a stay at home mom many, many years down the road when we decide to have kids. Working at a daycare will do that to you. Don't get me wrong - I love my kids at school to death. But I feel SO bad for them when they're sick and mom is "with a patient and can't come for another two hours." You've got to be kidding me!! What patient on earth is worth leaving your own flesh and blood at daycare with a 102.3 fever. In my opinion, not one single thing on earth is worth leaving your baby sick without comfort from home. I don't care if we have to start setting money aside now for it to be financially possible in four or five years...I just can't bear to think about dropping my six week old baby off at daycare so I can go teach from 8:30 to 4:30...it's just not gonna happen.

I mentioned horses in my last post, but I never posted any pictures! So here are some of my favorites...


Meet Winston aka Behind the Smiles. He was the first horse I ever owned and the love of my life (aside from Greg, of course!)


We liked to go to horse shows together. Except for that one time when he bucked me off right in front of the judges stand, but we won't talk about that.


He was gorgeous. I wish I knew where he was now just so I could see how he's aged. I guess he'd be like...13 or 14 now?


Meet Austin aka Butthead. I frequently made this scared-to-death face on him. He was the first horse I jumped high on.


Next, meet Stealth. He was so much fun to ride and jump!


This is Avante. Don't let the pretty eyes fool you - she and I had a love-hate relationship. I loved how pretty she was, but I hated her when she bucked me off, or pinned her ears, or tried to buck me off...which was pretty much every time I even came near her with a saddle. I got her back into shape...fat horsies don't like to be ridden very much!


Avante again...note the pinned ears and the generally displeased look she is giving me.


Finally, there is Nezzie. She was my neighbor's horse who I trained a little bit. We got along really well until she moved to Liberty Hill.


Nezzie again...such a good girl!

That concludes my travel back into time. I hope you enjoyed it! I'll be back tomorrow with updates on how 6 miles went. Cross your fingers and pray for me!!

Happy Friday to You,

Rainy Tuesday

For some reason, my mind thinks it should be fall. I love fall. Okay, so I guess September technically qualifies as fall, but it's Texas...and fall doesn't come until like Thanksgiving or sometimes even Christmas. But goodness, this rain and cool weather today has got me dreaming of Halloween. I have a serious obsession with that holiday. I hate that some people make it all demonic; I for one only like the things I associate with it - like jumping into a huge pile of orange, red, brown, and yellow leaves in Chicago that my dad had just raked in our front yard (and then getting tickled for doing so!), drinking spiced apple cider and hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows, and going to a pumpkin patch and picking out my very own pumpkin. I remember having Halloween parties at the barn, dressing up horses and then riding around in the crisp October air. Bonfires at the barn after our Halloween horse show is one of my best memories from middle school. I remember sitting at football games and cheering (even though I had no clue what actually happened in football until college). I love carving pumpkins and I especially love seeing all those adorable kids in their Halloween costumes. I think I have an obsession. And I'm so excited for October to get here!

Mmm...I miss horseback riding. I miss so much the rush of flying over 3' jumps on a powerful horse. I miss the sweet smell of grain and hay at feeding time. I miss spending hours upon hours in a grooming stall brushing my horse until he was bright as a penny. I miss the sound horseshoes make on a concrete floor. I miss taking trail rides in the field and galloping down the hills. I think most of all, I miss that connection that a girl can only have with a horse - that complete trust. One day...one day soon, I will ride again. It is a passion, and if you are passionate about something, you know that you never can never be 100% content unless that passion is in your life.

Work was work...again. I'm trying to stay positive about my crappy schedule. Trying so hard and getting so, so frustrated at the same time. I'm trying to shut up while I'm there. It would be too easy to just shut my mouth and not complain, but for some reason I like to make things difficult for myself. It would also be too easy to not eat work food. I swear they are trying to make me fat - all those greasy, buttery, fattening foods that they feed to the kids. And then they make us sit down while the kids our eating and my stomach is growling and I fall into the temptation of taking "just one bite" of whatever it is that we're having for lunch or snack and then it's all downhill from there.

I'm done for now...well, almost. One picture to share. Wherever we're going, Riley wants to go too!!


Goodnight, sleep tight,

Cheater, Cheater, Doughnut Eater

I just had a sinfully delicious cake doughnut from HEB. I'm sure it probably had more calories in it than I care to imagine. I battled with it in my mind for a few minutes, but alas, the cake doughnut won. I told my wonderful husband not to buy them. They weren't on our list and I have this love-hate relationship with them. But he insisted. And I cheated.

Speaking of my other half...he is watching Justin Timberlake on HBO right now. I had to walk away in disgust, shield my eyes and laugh a little bit. My macho man is watching a girly singing, dancing, pretty boy on HBO and is absolutely mesmerized. Okay, maybe not absolutely...but he's pretty darn into it.

I promised UT game pictures yesterday, and I am delivering now. Be forewarned, the quality of most of these pictures leaves a LOT to be desired. My attention to detail and all the technicalities flew out the window when I saw a mob of burnt orange from the fourth floor of parking garage Q.


We have our hook'em horns down there somewhere in the picture. But my wonderful self-portrait camera skills cut them off. Matt will be happy.


Yes, defense! What a novel thing. We could've used some of that on Saturday night.


I'm not sure the technical football jargon for this. But I think it's a cool picture nonetheless.


Last one for now...Yay for an orange tower!

That's all for now. Tomorrow is back to work...I'm smiling when I say that, I promise.

Goodbye Labor Day,

Bad Blogger

I've been a bad blogger. I haven't posted in oh, four or so months? Bad blogger. But I'm back, and I'm committed. See, I need somewhere to record my thoughts about running and somewhere to go when my dear husband is playing Xbox or watching Flight of the Concords (which I do not find the least bit entertaining!)

Speaking of running. Saturday marked 5 miles with my group! I didn't even feel like I was running hardly at all. Let's hope that keeps up when we get into 18 and 22 mile workouts. But seriously...I've never had so much fun running before, and I have loved running since my freshman year of college! It used to be an escape from things...now, it is a social hour for me where I get to chat with people of all different walks of life while doing one of my favorite things...running! I even got giddy and excited over my new "girly" Ironman watch because I can set intervals on it. Yay for new watches, running, and Austin.

Classes are going well, work is as good as it's going to get for the next few months, and Greg and I are in the process of searching for a church. We went to the UT game last night (pictures to come later!) and so we were slackers...or I was a slacker, and we didn't go to church this morning. We're definitely going next weekend though. I pray that God will bless us with a group of friends. I need people. I need girl friends who I matter to and who matter to me. I need people that will notice if I'm not at church on Sunday and will call to check up on me later. And I know that God will fulfill my need for community. It's just a matter of me being patient and realizing that HIS timing is PERFECT. That's something I'm still working on.

It is bedtime for me, Riley, and Greg tonight! I promise to be back soon with more news from this little apartment in Austin, Texas.

In Christ Alone,